Monday, October 29, 2012

Who is Gallagher? And other goings on.......

That's what E asked me the other day, as we watched that Geico commercial I have seen 1000 times.  Geico loves to advertise on CNBC, which is on in my office during the work day, so I watch/hear those annoying commercials over and over again.  (others include: the witch, the slinky, the bodybuilder, etc)  I don't get the commercials, but whatever, I'm not their target audience anyway, and I could type for hours
about the annoyance and stupidity of commercials in general. 

But, let's get back to the focus of my post.  Who is Gallagher?  Before I could even ponder the question for more than a second, the follow up was even more perplexing, "Is he a comedian?".  "Sort of, I guess." was all I had.  E is only 12, so he has zero knowledge of who Gallagher is, aside from some turd in a Geico commercial who is happy about smashing watermelons at a farmer's market.  "Why does he like to smash melons?"  Great question.  And guess what, I HAVE NO CLUE!!!!  I always found his routine to be odd, and quite unfunny.  I mean, what was really with the whole watermelon thing anyway?  Regardless, I don't think the commercial is funny, and neither does E.  So we concluded that Gallagher was a raving lunatic from the 1980's that became famous with an unfunny routine of smashing things that would spray on his audience.

It's funny how sometimes kids ask simple questions like that, and you don't have a simple answer.  Sure, I could have just said, "he's just a comedian from the 80's" and we'd be done, and moved on.  But the question itself takes us back, and you start to reassess something that you hadn't thought of in some time.  Obviously, I am a much different person now, then I was back when Gallagher was popular.  My definition of humor is certainly different, and in general what entertains me is very different. 

I went to the Northwestern game on Saturday.  It was my first real college football experience.  Weird that it took me so long, considering the amount of college football I watch on TV!  It was a good time, we did some tailgating, the weather was cool, but decent, the game itself was OK, but it was neat to be there, regardless of results and it didn't hurt that we had good seats.  Definitely going to try and make an annual trip to at least one college game, and try to make it a different locale each time.  NW was fun, but I am told it is nothing compared to the activity and awe of some other college game experiences.

Do you think any players ever wonder why there is a big "Z" in the middle of the field?

I went to two bars this weekend.  That probably equaled my total for the previous several months!  I just don't get to bars very much any more.  I spent an inordinate amount of time in my 20's and early 30's at bars, and the experience just wore thin on me.  When I do make it, I am quickly reminded why the experience no longer appeals to me.  The first bar I went to was after the NW game, as I had an hour to kill before my train was due to leave.  It was crowded, of course, since it was the only bar near the train station and there were hordes of Iowa and NW fans taking the train into or out of the city.  I managed to sidle may way up to the bar and order a drink, ugh $7.  I'm sure that's not too bad, but I have just become cheap about it.  I don't want to be there to begin with, so I'm certainly not happy about over-paying for a drink, when I could just be sitting on my couch watching the games and drinking MUCH cheaper.  I know, I am getting old. Whatever.  I wanted to get some updates on the games, and my POS phone was dead, so that was my option.  I sucked it up, had a couple drinks and split. 

Sunday I had to take "LD" (that is "D"s 15 year old daughter) to her hair appointment which was about 30 minutes away from home.  So rather than drive all the way back, I found a nearby sports bar to chill at for about an hour.  Well, chill was my intention, but I knew that might not be an option considering the Bears were playing.  The bar was pretty small, but had a decent number of TV's.  However, every single TV except two were tuned into the Bears game!!  What a waste.  I mean, put some other games on for crying out loud!  And I wasn't in my seat at the bar more than 30 seconds when I realized I was sitting next to the most obnoxious Bear fan I have come across in a while (and he had a lot of competition).  He was yelling and screaming about some "bad" call a ref made against the Bears.  His volume was maxed, and he dropped about 25 (no joke) f bombs in the first 3 minutes I was there.  But, I tolerated it as best I could, ordered some nachos and a soda and did my best to get through the hour.  I avoided any eye contact with any of the Bear fans, to avoid getting sucked into a mindless conversation about how great they are, or how bad they are, or anything relating to them as that never ends well.  Of course, when the Bears got a big pick six, Mr. F-ing Loudmouth offered me up a fist-bump, completely ignorant to the fact that I was obviously not happy about the play.  I acquiesced though, as at that point I was already getting my check, and getting out of there.  I was too tired and hungover to deal with any of that, and if I had even reasonably explained to him how he was out of line, and not a very smart football fan, I might have taken a Miller Lite bottle to the skull.  I'm not sure he was drinking Miller Lite to be honestly, but I have to assume someone as douchey as that would probably go that route!  The good news was that the nachos were half off, and my bill was less than $8!  So, it wasn't a total disaster!  I wish I could say the same for my football picks over the weekend!  Plus, I did get out of there before the Bears kicked a FG to win it, as I am sure the place erupted and there was fist-bumping galore!!!

I made it home in time to sleep through the first half of the Dallas game, then woke to watch them comeback, only to blow it in the end with typical poor clock management and play calling.  I, of course, am a self proclaimed clock management expert, but I will have to show off those skills for another day.

The election is in 8 days.  Yawn.  I'm still undecided.  I'm actually waiting for one of the candidates to pull back the skin on his face and reveal that he is actually an alien.  That would be cool and earn my vote.  Anything short of that, and I don't think either of these asshats are going to get my vote.  Gary Johnson perhaps?

The Giants won their second world series in 3 years last night.  I was pulling for them.  They seem like a decent bunch of guys, and I really like Brian Wilson.  He was out most of the year, but was still right there with his teammates cheering them on every game.  Maybe Denard Robinson can learn something from that, as he just pouted on the sidelines rather than try and help his replacement and his team win. 

If you are in the Northeast, be safe and dry!!  Well, if you are ANYWHERE be safe and dry.

Thanks for stopping by:


Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Are you "Chi-rish"???

OK, a lot of these beer commercials are funny, specifically some of the Bud Light and Miller Lite ones. Obviously they are the Coke and Pepsi of shitty popular beer, so they do the most advertising. Some of the Miller Lite ads crack me up at their irony though, as they play off the angle that their beer is actually good, when it is in fact, horrible. But, to each his own I suppose!! (rolling eye face)

But I digress. Miller Lite last year decided to invent a new word to describe some of the Chicago area residents. Chi-rish, which is a combination of Chicago, and Irish. I see they have brought back that ad campaign again this year. It's obviously a marketing campaigned geared toward the St. Patrick's Day beer drinking crowd. But I am confused. Who exactly is Chi-rish? Do you have to be Irish, to be Chi-rish? Do you have to be from Chicago to be Chi-rish? Do you have to like shitty beer Miller Lite to be Chi-rish? If it is determined that I am Chi-rish, is the ailment only applicable during the first two weeks of March?? In July will I turn into an Amillerican? In October should I be carving an empty 12 pack box for Millerween?

Look, I see the trend has even inspired these douchenozzles to make a video about being Chi-rish, which includes a great song about BOSTON? (Please, you are giving the Chi-rish a bad name)

Chi-rish Video

Look, I get how advertising works. I remembered the add, it stuck in my head, and now I'm even blogging about it. That is EXACTLY what Miller wants. I concede that point. However, that does not make the ad, or the word Chi-irsh, any less absurd!!!!

Well, that's about all I have to say about it. So, as we approach this St. Patrick's Day, do me (and yourself) a favor. Put down the sissy "light" beers and try something decent. I'm not a beer snob by any stretch, in fact I'd just assume have some rum. But give this beer a try, Pilgrim's Dole by New Holland Brewing Company.


So to anyone that is Chi-rish, Irish, Polish, Jewish, Squeamish, Boorish, or any other kind of ISH (made up or not), have a Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!


Monday, March 14, 2011


Need to be respected more.................
....a LOT more.

Slow Walkers

They are everywhere!  Do you know the people I am talking about?  The people that just walk so slow, for no apparent reason?  I think it's an epidemic.  I mean how many of these people actually have injuries, or ailments that prevent them from walking a little faster??  NOT THAT MANY!!!  Slow Walkers can be found just about anywhere.  Airports, shopping malls, grocery stores, concerts, office buildings, you name it.

Now, I'm not asking these douchebags to speed it to Olympic style speedwalking levels or anything.  Just a slight increase in pace would be appreciated!  In crowded areas they are the worst.  Maneuvering in and out of a plethora of Slow Walkers, trying to get to the JC Penny's to return the hideous sweater someone got me for Xmas.  Do you really have nothing better to do than plod your way from the Food Court over to the cellphone cover kiosk at 1mph???  The mall is also the worst when the Slow Walking ASSTARD makes the transition into the Random Stopper (Random Stoppers are a whole other subject!).  What's the thought process there?  The internal conversation must go something like this....."Hmmm....I know I'm walking right now, but I just don't think I want to keep going, so probably a good idea TO STOP RIGHT FUCKING HERE.  I'm at the mall, so it's probably safe to assume that there a no other people walking behind me, here in the WALKWAY."

Listen, if I pull into the parking lot and haven't even parked yet, and I see you walking into the building, then three minutes later you're lard ass is still teetering down the hall towards your office door, then you are a SLOW WALKER!!  Now I'm faced with the decision, do I pass your dumb ass in this 4 foot wide hall, and beat you to do the door by 5 seconds and look like I'm the douche that is uber-anxious to get to work.  Don't make me out to be the asshole just because I walk at normal pace. 

And for fucks sake, if I do pass you, or even just catch up and draft behind you for a few yards, can the small talk.  I know it's cold out, I know what day it is, I don't care what your opinion on anything is.  Please, just get out of the way or pick it up a little.  These people have now forced to wait in my car until no slow walkers are in sight, and make a dash for the door, hoping none appear from the around the corner.  Or the ones that try to make eye contact from 50 yards behind, pleading to me with their slow walking miserable frowny faces to hold the door for them.

So please people, if you are noticing that when you are walking, other WALKERS are passing you, then you ARE a Slow Walker.  So pick up the pace a little.  Don't waste your life waddling around like this guy!

Next topic.............Idiots, and their ongoing struggle to park their car BETWEEN the two yellow lines.